Staying Afloat: Classical and Christian for Busy Families

Hudson_Banner

I was honored to have an article in the Clear Lake Classical newsletter last fall when school started, but forgot to link it. Now that we are starting a new calendar year, much of the advice seems pertinent again. You can find the original newsletter (and subscribe!) here.

Stay Afloat

In 1901, the freighter ship SS Hudson left port in Lake Superior, heading east with valuable cargo. But just a few precious hours later, they would fly distress signals, and shortly after that, succumb to a raging storm and sink beneath the waves. A vicious gale plunged the mighty freighter 825 feet down to its watery grave. After just setting out, the Hudson was already sunk.[1]

Welcome to how parents feel, just a few months into the start of another school year: a few weeks in, and we are ready to fly distress signals before we go down with the ship!

The hectic schedules, filling the children’s lunch boxes, making sure everyone gets to practice, brushes their teeth… it is enough to keep even the most disciplined family scatter brained. And when you attend a rigorous school like Clear Lake Classical, how do you keep on top of it all?

Let’s see if CLC’s twin emphases on classical education and being Christ-centered can help overwhelmed families with the busy pace of life.

Help From History

One of the blessings of a classical education is that our students glean the wisdom of the ancients. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel with “new math” or the latest teaching style. We see what has served us well in history, and we wisely borrow those timeless truths and apply them in meaningful ways to today.

To respond to the scarcity of time, wise families will want to consider the ancient Stoic practice of habitus (habits) and rhythm. The founders of classical education knew how life could easily spiral out of control, and so they fought back by practicing daily habits and rhythms. Epictetus (55 – 135 AD) once said, “every habit and capability is confirmed and grows in its corresponding actions, walking to running, and running to sprinting . . . therefore, if you want to do something, make a habit of it.”[2] Habits make up our routines of days, weeks, months, and years. The better the routine, the more joy we will see.

Many of us feel pressure from deadlines: the kids need to be to school on time; and piano practice on this day; and don’t forget the after-school activities. But there is wisdom in not being pulled away by the tyranny of the urgent, and instead settling into routines – rhythms of life – to guide us. Seneca (4 BC – 65 AD) famously said, “If a person doesn’t know to which port they sail, no wind is favorable.”(3) Good habits help to ground our busy schedules to get us to the best destination. Later, Seneca commented, “We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.” Time is one of our most valuable commodities. Understand habits as wise investments in your own time!

You can probably already identify several routines in your life: work schedules, after-school pick up, and Sunday worship. Carefully observe your calendar and your time. What habits or rhythms are already happening in your schedule? Are they necessary? Are there rhythms and habits you would like to include? If so, what steps would need to be taken to realize these new patterns of time in your life? A classical understanding of our schedules can help us take control of our time in a hectic and fast-paced culture.[4]

Seeing Clearly

Getting into a healthy rhythm is important, but if we don’t see life’s events through the proper perspective, we will be prone to discouragement, or being ungrateful. Great thinkers from the past encourage us to see things more clearly.

Marcus Aurelius (121 – 181 AD) wrote in his Meditations that “Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of events.”[5] In other words, it is not so much what happens to us, but how we see and respond to these events.

Suppose you have a big work presentation, but that morning your child wakes up sick, you forget your phone, the car is running on fumes, and your boss is in a foul mood. It would be easy to get discouraged or feel hopeless about what you need to get done that day.

But a classical view encourages us to look at it differently. Many things – a sick child, a grumpy boss – are outside our control. Instead of worrying or agonizing over these, we realize we have the responsibility to maintain our composure, and not let these outside, external factors overwhelm us. Rather, we have a responsibility to what the classics called the summum bonum, “the highest good.” In the face of everything we cannot control, we should strive for the highest good we can do in the situation facing us. Marcus wrote, “Just that you do the right thing. The rest is of no great matter.”

As for the things we can control – an empty gas tank, or losing your phone – we should practice premeditatio malorum, or “planning ahead for what could go wrong.” Many of the things that go wrong in life are simply due to negligence, or not planning for the worst. The Stoics were realists, and expected things might not go the way we always hope. Once we planed for the worst, and sought the highest good, then we could possess amor fati, “a love of what will come next.” We might not be able to control the future, but we can see the events in our lives in a clear light.

Do you see the year ahead clearly? What are your hopes for your children at CLC? Is it merely to get through the next year, or to thrive and flourish? Will you allow external factors dictate your joy for the year ahead, or have you looked hard at what is in your control, what is outside of it, and how you can joyfully move forward in it all? Continue reading

How To Be An Exceptional Dad

The following article by Josh Mcpherson was originally posted at Christian Family Matters, but the link is now dead. It is posted here as a placeholder for links.

21 SIMPLE WAYS TO BE AN EXCEPTIONAL DAD

I don’t want to be a good dad—I want to be a great dad.

But the longer I live and more ministry I do, the more I have come to realize there are precious few examples of grace in action when it comes to fatherhood. So on this Father’s Day, I wanted to take a moment, heed Paul’s exhortation (Eph. 6:1), and honor my own father, Greg.

Was he perfect? Nope.
Did he make mistakes? Sure.
Does he wish he could do things differently? I have no idea.

But in a land where few men finish well when it comes to the daunting task of fatherhood, I’ve found myself reflecting and marveling at the grace of God in my dad’s life. He loved Jesus, repented often, and poured his life into his two sons. How much more could a boy ask for?

In your life, Dad, I have found a roadmap for my own role as father. So I wanted to take a few moments, and tell you thanks from the heart of a grateful son. Specifically, thank you for . . .

1. NEVER PUTTING ME DOWN

Not once. You never made fun of me, mocked me, or talked about me like I wasn’t there. Never was I the butt of your jokes. In everything you built me up, encouraged me, and moved me forward. You always spoke of my future with great hope. “The Lord will give you great opportunities, Josh. Jesus has great plans for you, son.” This sort of prophetic encouragement every boy needs, and I got it in bushels. Thanks, Dad.

2. RUNNING INTO MY ROOM

. . . the night I screamed in agony from growing pains. I was eight. You were half asleep. Tripping on a toy you went sprawling across the room in your underwear. We both burst out laughing. Then you rubbed my leg-cramps for an hour. I slept in the next day; you were up at 5 a.m. and out the door. You put my need to be comforted in front of your need for sleep. Thanks, Dad.

You loved Jesus passionately and it drew me in.

3. BEING THE TOUGHEST MAN I KNOW

. . . and crying in front of me often. It’s good for a boy to see both. I’ve seen you cut down trees, fix tractors, build things, and tackle gut-wrenching church conflict with unflinching courage and razor-sharp biblical clarity. I’ve also seen you listen intently, hug often, and tear up quickly when moved by someone’s pain or God’s grace. Not the helpless, whimpering, cowardly sort of tears—the genuine, earnest, heartfelt tears of a man who feels and thinks deeply. You cry easily when talking about Jesus, the gospel, redemption, and the day God called you into ministry. I love that. Thanks, Dad.

I never felt more safe and loved than when held in your arms.

4. RAISING YOUR HANDS

. . . and singing loudly with the church. I distinctly remember as a young boy looking up and seeing tears roll down your cheek during worship. I couldn’t articulate it then, but I knew that you were singing to someone who meant everything to you, who was great and big and awesome and worthy of your allegiance, and who gave you great joy. That is a gift to a young man. You didn’t tell me to love Jesus passionately—you loved Jesus passionately and it drew me in. Thanks, Dad. 

Continue reading

7 Ways Fathers Provoke THeir Children

This article originally appeared at Ekklesia Muskogee, but has since gone missing on the internet. Posted here as a placeholder.

The Bible tells fathers to do two things: bring children up in the ways of the Lord and do not provoke them. How can a father avoid provoking his child?

There’s no shortage of parenting books out there. But you’ll find very few dedicated to the subject of fathering. What does it look like to father well? Thankfully, God’s word includes much guidance for fathers. The Bible is filled with good dads (starting with God the Father) and bad dads (starting with Adam, our first father). Proverbs is in large part a collection of wisdom written by a dad to his son. In his letters to Timothy and Titus, Paul offers profound direction as aspiritual father.

Fathers, we have a sacred responsibility.

Elsewhere in Scripture, Paul warns fathers: “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Dads, this is our God-given job description. We must strive to fulfill it “according to the power at work within us.” For starters, it helps to think about what the verse means. Both parts of the verse are equally important—do not provoke and do bring them up—but understanding what it looks like to “not provoke your children to anger” is arguably less obvious. In order to help, here are some examples of ways dads can provoke their kids. By God’s grace, father your children by avoiding these pitfalls:

1. MAKE MORE WITHDRAWALS THAN DEPOSITS

Encouragement is a deposit; criticism is a withdrawal. We provoke our children to anger when we make far more withdrawals than deposits. When it comes to encouragement, don’t be stingy with your kids. Say things like:

  • “You did your best, and I appreciate that.”“You’re a blessing.”“I love you and I’m here to help you.”“Thanks for hanging in there. I know this is tough. Let me pray for you.”

In addition to verbal affirmation, write them notes, send them texts, pull them in for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Inevitably, as fathers we’re going to make withdrawals because our kids will sin and we’ll need to address that. But we provoke our children to anger when all we do is point out the flaws and fail to provide any solutions or hope. We need to be their coach, not their critic.

2. RESORT TO PHYSICAL OR VERBAL ABUSE

Fathers provoke their children to anger through physically using their size advantage. This could be physical—hitting, shoving, kicking, intimidation—or verbal abuse. Some fathers goad their children. They’ll shame their kids in front of other children by saying things like, “You’re so stupid,” “You failed again,” “You’re fat,” “You’re an idiot,” and “You’re a loser.” Such violence is sinful, reprehensible abuse that shapes an identity that is death for the child. Some either grow up to rage against their parents, particularly their father, or they just leave.

3. BE EMOTIONALLY ABSENT

Whether it’s intentional or not, some dads do everything they can to avoid engaging their children. You’re always doing something and can’t be interrupted, whether that’s woodworking, fixing the car, doing yard work, using your phone, or watching TV. You’rephysically present but emotionally absent. Dad never gives hugs or says, “I love you.” A lack of emotional attention

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provokes a child to anger. Imagine a child who craves emotional attention and appropriate physical touch from dad. He never offers his affection, and so eventually the child starts looking elsewhere, out of frustration and desperation. For a daughter especially, this can leave her in a very dangerous position.

Read more: 7 Ways Fathers Provoke THeir Children

4. PUBLICLY HUMILIATE AND CRITICIZE

Rather than pulling a child out of the fray for a loving, heart-to-heart talk to address some issue, fathers provoke their children to anger by cutting them down in front of their family and friends. When it comes to correction, we can belittle our children in an attempt to shame them into submission, or we can provide them a vision of the man or woman God is calling them to be, saying, “I see in you these gifts, abilities, godliness, and maturity. What you’ve done grieves Jesus and it grieves me. But I’m here for you, and I want to help you grow.” In this way, our communication becomes a loving invitation rather than harsh castigation.

5. BE NO FUN

Some dads are just no fun. They don’t know what to do with a Popsicle, a whiffle ball, a swimming pool, or a bike. Kids should have predominant memories of enjoyable times with their dad. Which means when your kids are little, you have to be silly. You’re going to wear some outlandish outfits. You’re going to sit in on some tea parties. You’re going to wrinkle your clothes during living room wrestling matches. If a dad is making memories, if he loves his kids and they know it, when it comes time to discipline them, it will be in the context of a dad who loves them. God our Father is like that. Proverbs says it and Hebrews repeats it: “For the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (emphasis added).

6. DON’T BE GENEROUS

I learned generosity from my Grandpa George. We were very close. He lived in a cul-de-sac, and he had a rule: whenever the ice cream man comes around, run out and stop him. Grandpa George would then have us invite all of the other kids in the neighborhood over, he would tell everybody to order whatever they wanted, and then he would pay for it all. When the ice cream man came, I’d get excited, all the kids would get excited, and I’d look at my Grandpa George’s face, and he was happy. He was happy because he liked to be generous. That’s the heart of a father. That’s the heart of God the Father.

7. NEVER SAY “I’M SORRY.”

Did you have a hypocritical dad who pointed out your sin but never admitted to any of his own? How frustrating was that? As fathers, we’re going to sin against our kids. You’re going to bust them for something that they didn’t do. You’ll fail to listen. You’ll blow it. What do you do? Repent. Go to your kids and say, “Dad’s a sinner. I was wrong. I’m really sorry about what I’ve done and the way it’s affected you. Would you please forgive me?” Fathers, we don’t need to be right; we need to prove to our children that God is always right, and sometimes that means we’re wrong. We are not only an earthly father, we are an earthly father who needs their heavenly Father.

BRING THEM UP

Fathers, we have a sacred responsibility. If the Holy Spirit is in you, you’ll want to become a father like God the Father, and bless your children the way he has blessed you. We cannot do this apart from his grace and power—praise God we can rely on his wisdom and strength rather than our own. 

According to Pew Research, Millenials misunderstand relation to marriage and parenting

2011-milliennials-marriage-16For Millennials, Parenthood Trumps Marriage

When it says further down “Most Millenials Want Both,” caveat lector: I assumed it meant most millenials want a good marriage and good parenting. That’s not what it says. While they want both marriage and parenting, the overall premise that parenting is more important than marriage is emphasized throughout the research.

Read the whole thing here.

Funeral Sermon for Dr. R.A. Lund

Last December my grandfather died, and I had the privilege of explaining the Scriptures for the service. The funeral was held at Bethel Ev. Free Church in Fairmont, MN. My sermon text was Psalm 37:23 – 24:

The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the LORD upholds his hand.

You can find the video on the sermon page at the bottom.

Leaving A Legacy: My Grandpa Dr. R. A. Lund

On Friday, my grandfather’s body will be placed in the ground. We do so because we believe we are planting a seed, and that the Lord Jesus Christ will be harvesting humanity and raising us to new life. I’ve been so blessed by my grandpa, and what follows is his obituary and funeral service order. The notice at the funeral home is here.

A celebration of life service for Dr. R. A. (Rod) Lund, 91, of Fairmont, MN, will be 11:00 a.m. Friday, December 9, at the Bethel Evangelical Free Church in Fairmont. Interment will be in Lakeside Cemetery in Fairmont with Military Honors by the Lee C. Prentice American Legion Post 36 and Martin County V.F.W. Post 1222. Visitation will be 4:00 to 7:00 P.M. on Thursday, December 8, at the Lakeview Funeral Home in Fairmont, MN, and will continue one hour prior to the service at the church. Dr. Lund passed away on Friday evening, December 2, 2011, at Mayo Clinic Health System in Fairmont. Rodney Alton Lund was born on March 19, 1920, in Opheim, Montana, the son of Charles and Maia (Bollum) Lund. He grew up in South Dakota, primarily Watertown, and then moved to Detroit Lakes, MN, in 1934, where he graduated from Detroit Lakes High School. In April of 1942, he graduated from the Minneapolis Chiropractic School. That same year he was inducted into the U.S. Army and was united in marriage to Mildred Melberg on June 5, 1942, in Little Rock, AR. Continue reading

Christians, Sports & Sundays

Euan Murray is a modern day Eric Liddell. Like Liddell, the protagonist of Chariots of Fire who didn’t run in the Olympics because his race landed on a Sunday, Murray will not scrummage for Scotland because the match would land on a Sunday.

It’s basically all or nothing, following Jesus. I don’t believe in pick ‘n’ mix Christianity. I believe the Bible is the word of God, so who am I to ignore something from it?

I might as well tear out that page then keep tearing out pages as and when it suits me. If I started out like that there would soon be nothing left.

I want to live my life believing and doing the things (God) wants and the Sabbath day is a full day.

It’s not a case of a couple of hours in church then playing rugby or going down the pub, it’s the full day.

Parents in the US are increasingly facing more and more activities for their kids on Sundays. (Let’s not get started on NFL Sunday football!) Here’s an individual in Murray who is giving up a major aspect of his career to obey a command that most Christians haven’t kept their entire lives. I don’t know the first thing about Murray (or rugby!). But examples like these should make us all pause and reflect on how we are obeying the 4th Commandment.

Two Parenting Resources

Here are a few resources for busy parents trying to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord for the 21st century.

5 Lessons for Parenting in the Digital Age
Facebook has recently announced that they will be rolling out even more additions to the largest social media engine to entice more users and keep current users on longer. How will this affect your family, or your parenting? The five lessons may be helpful for thinking through with your spouse as you raise young men and women to become godly, responsible consumers of technology. Continue reading